White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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