I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
