my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
