Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
