? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
