Can Purell be used as lube?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm passing your future prison.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
