Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
