He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
