I puked a lego.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
