Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
