FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
