you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
