apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
