You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I love having hate sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
