does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
