Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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