ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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