i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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