he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
