Me. At least after what I've been through.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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