On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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