just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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