The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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