Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
