I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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