Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
