I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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