i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
