I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We got so high we made milksteak
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
