oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
