I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
