Will you blow on my dice?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
