She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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