i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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