The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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