god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
