Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You did what with his pubic hair?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
