You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
