I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
