My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
