I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
