did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
