this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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