I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
