I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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