why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
