i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
