i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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