I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
