and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
