I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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